(It is an honor to welcome MarJean Peters to Page of Joy today. She walked with me and counseled me, along with her husband Conrad, through some of the deepest sorrows in my life. Their wisdom and love for the Lord are a blessing to many. Read more about MarJean at the end of this important article that she has written for us today. I pray you’re deeply encouraged by the truth that she has beautifully articulated.  – Stephanie)

THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS

A Story for Moms

This Spring my husband bought me a mysterious, mahogany, full-length mirror that opens to a jewelry cache. As I pull back my image to the treasury hidden behind it, I see myself in that old, blue-flowered, recovered rocker.

There I am, bone-weary and overwhelmed, I rock my toddler hoping against hope she will fall asleep. Her eyes look up at me with no intention of closing anytime soon. However, I know she needs to nap. I need her to nap. Seemingly a thousand other responsibilities await me if only I can tackle them without interruption or distraction. If she doesn’t nap, the rest of my day is shot! Our two little boys went with Daddy this afternoon and if she sleeps, I can actually enjoy an hour of “me” time.

I continue rocking. . . and fuming. I pray, Dear Lord, PLEASE put her to sleep! I continue rocking. I could put her in her crib and let her scream, but then she would wake the baby and any hope for anything but intensified childcare all afternoon is hopeless. My frustration turns toward God Himself. He could put her to sleep. He could grant me one hour of freedom today. He could, but He obviously chooses to ignore my need and my plea.

Suddenly, the Holy Spirit clearly breathes into my thoughts, MarJean, this is a test. I keep rocking, allowing those words to sink into my heart. What if God listens after all? What if He deeply cares about me? What if He wants to know if my love for Him depends on getting what I want, when I want it? What if He wants to rip selfishness right out of me and conform me to His beautiful, loving, patient image?

As I keep rocking, my frustration slowly dissolves. I look down at my precious little girl now struggling to keep her eyes open. Suddenly I want to pass the test. I want to be the mother this little girl needs. I want to hold her as long as I can. I want to be more like Jesus. Tears roll down my cheeks in broken surrender.

He cares, He hears my heart, He sees my tears and I am not alone. He knows selfishness will not only destroy me, but my children as well. He loves us all enough to tear it out of me and fill me with His patience, love, humility, and trust.

I choose an old but precious locket and close the mirrored door. I pry open the heart and remember how much God hears a mother’s prayers. Overwhelmed, overworked, underpaid, understaffed. . . He hears our cries. He knows how much we long for freedom, for the girl we were before parenting. He knew our lives before they drowned in serving little people who don’t care a hoot about how tired and worn we feel.

Life surprises us with the intensity of seemingly endless mother responsibilities. We find ourselves at the center of their world. We are all they know. We are it. Right now we may not see past the fog of being desperately needed when all we want is some freedom. All the while our husband needs a good chunk of our tired selves too.

Actually, next month my baby girl turns thirty-seven with eight babies of her own! I’m amazed at how my heavenly Father not only heard my prayers, but to this day remains loving and powerful enough to meet my needs, desires, dreams, and hopes. . . in His time.

I hold the locket open and see the real treasure of which I was not even aware. God knew the impairments of anxiety, rage, toxic shame, contempt, resentment, apathy, self-pity, depression, pride, and addiction to self-medicate, which left unchecked, would have destroyed my relationships with my children, family, and with Him. That heart treasure held all the overwhelming, weary days working in me a far greater good than getting a “free” hour.

Dearest mothers, believe me when I say, God is for us! He tells us not to lose heart because He transforms us into Christ’s image with ever-increasing glory. He knows our weaknesses, yet reveals His strength to us and through us to our children. Though we feel hard pressed, our selfless responsibilities will not crush us. Though we didn’t know how hard this would be, we need not despair. God promises to renew us day by day. Our temporary parenting struggles only seem eternal. Apostle Paul tells us not to focus on what is seen but on what is unseen, for what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

Think I’ll wear this locket today. It’s still a good reminder to take courage because reward comes! “A moment of pain is worth a lifetime of glory” (Pete Zamperini).

(see 2Cor 3:18-4:1,7,8, 16-18)

© 2016 MarJean S. Peters

MarJean began life in the North Canadian Prairies but spent her teen years in Dallas, Oregon. She graduated from Fresno Pacific University with a BA degree in art and literature and married Conrad Peters in 1969. She taught high school art in the Portland area to put her husband through Seminary and they have ministered to churches in California, Saskatchewan, Oregon, Washington, and Alaska. MarJean has taught personalities by God’s design since 2000 to individuals, couples, at retreats, seminars, church classes, and to mission groups. In 2005 they joined Arctic Barnabas Ministries in Kenai, Alaska to strengthen and encourage bush missionaries and pastors’ families. MarJean has published “Courage For Bush Ministry Women” for over ten years. She now continues to encourage others to remain true to the Lord with all their hearts (see Acts 11:23) through writing, poetry, and illustrations from Spokane, WA. She is a mother of three sons and a daughter and delights in her 17 grandchildren.