Through The KNOT HOLE (continued)
Practical Tips To Deal With Hard Things
(read Part 1 HERE)

 

Welcome to the knot Hole! I’m thinking about attending a recovery group at our church with my husband. Two years ago he entered a black hole of withdrawal from Xanax, a potent anxiety drug. We had no idea this prescription for chest pressure would lead to the edge of hell. Statistically the withdrawal symptoms can last up to three years. That is a story in itself, but for now I need to make a decision. I wonder what reason I’ll give for being there.

This morning I viewed a Vimeo of a dear college friend and her new husband talk about losing their first spouses to illness and death. My trials felt minimal to their grief . . . but then I reconsidered. I did lose my spouse to depression and drug withdrawal. I’ve lost community and friends through moves from California to Canada, Oregon, Washington, Alaska, and Washington again. As my children grew up, married, and established their own subcultures, I lost my matriarchal identity as the girls took over and sent me out of the kitchen. I lost the strength and vitality of my youth. Maybe loneliness, identify crises, and so many losses may qualify me to enter the halls of broken people.

We are all broken in some way and our personal pains cannot be minimized.

Though still learning, dear friend, I can share tips about getting through hard times. The first came to me on the back of a horse. Without warning his head jerked down and his hindquarters came up! “Go-o-o-o-d!” I screamed into the heavens. Several more perilous bucks followed. I’d fallen off horses before, but this time I was three months pregnant! Stupid? Yes, but hosting friends from California, I chose badly. Not seeing trauma coming is the backwards part of being drug through a knot hole.” Sometimes we just cannot think fast enough. So. . . let’s ask God now, before disaster strikes, for an instinctual cry to Him at the moment of impact. God hears our S.O.S. prayers.

He’s also attentive to our persevering prayers. Sometimes life becomes a persistent bronco and too easily I can fall into resentment or verbal attack instead of calling out to God first. The problem with getting through a knot hole is not the size of our body but our ego! To shrink our ego enough to get through hard places takes humility. Persevering prayers keep us dependent on and in communion with the Lord, as in “pray without ceasing” (1Thes 5:21).

Sometimes our thinking gets really messed up. The Accuser accuses. His condemnation negates our worth, pressures us to measure up, makes us relationally insecure, and convinces us to take matters into our own hands. Just as poisons cause physical sickness or death, so toxic thoughts of anxiety, rage, self-contempt, resentment, apathy, self-pity, depression, pride, and self-indulgence weaken and destroy our lives. Everything that happens to us evokes an emotion that attaches itself to a memory. Our human understanding tries to make sense of what happens and we too easily believe lies we invent or the enemy throws at us. However, the Comforter comforts! Christ paid for our sins in full so no condemnation exists for those in Christ Jesus.

Paul says, “… be transformed by the renewing of your mind” (Rom 12:1-2). Our minds need continual renewal and I’ve discovered four daily practical tips that help detoxify and heal:

  1. DEBRIEF about the day, circumstances, and feelings with a person or persons whom God provides for that entrusted purpose. Most especially debrief with our heavenly Father. Prayer journalling works wonderfully! “And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests.…” (Eph 6:18).
  2. DELIGHT yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. Listen to God’s still small voice through His living and written Word. Jot down the thoughts and principles of Scripture He brings to mind. His sheep do hear His voice and He knows them and they follow Him (Jn 10:3). I write, “Dear MarJean,” then I wait and listen as He sheds His light and love into my heart.
  3. DEVELOP an attitude of thanksgiving and praise for all God has done, is doing, and yet will do. John Piper writes, “God is glorified by our intense and joyful gratitude for His past grace” and by “our intense and joyful confidence in His future grace.” To glorify means to reveal. We reveal God’s character when we focus on His grace and mercy toward us.
  4. DEEPEN open-hearted grace relationships—“If we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another” (1Jn 1:7). We learn to fight the good fight in community and need other people to speak truth into our lives. Our failures remind us of why Jesus had to come. He died and rose again to restore relationships, which help protect us from deception. The wolf always goes for the isolated stray, but there is strength in numbers. Matthew 18:20 says, “For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”

Last Saturday I felt so weary, unmotivated, and depressed that nothing mattered. The only thing I could think of big enough to get me out of my malaise was to go to Disneyland. Of course that didn’t happen, but I could send an S.O.S. to God. Before I finished praying, my husband entered my hiding place and listened. Tears suddenly released the grief of my youngest son’s family’s impending move to Tennessee. My husband took me for a drive and we ended up at a large discount store. After we came home I went for a walk and thanked my heavenly Father for the beautiful spring day and for lifting me out of the pit. God said it was not good for Adam to be alone. He designed us for relationship and heals us through relationship. May every knot hole deepen our relationship with God and others.

Four practical tips to help you deal with hard things:

Debrief, about the day

Delight, yourself in the Lord and His Word

Develop an attitude of thanksgiving

Deepen open-hearted, grace-filled relationships

“And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests.…” (Eph 6:18).

“… be transformed by the renewing of your mind” (Rom 12:1-2)

 

MarJean began life in the North Canadian Prairies but spent her teen years in Dallas, Oregon. She graduated from Fresno Pacific University with a BA degree in art and literature and married Conrad Peters in 1969. She taught high school art in the Portland area to put her husband through Seminary and they have ministered to churches in California, Saskatchewan, Oregon, Washington, and Alaska. MarJean has taught personalities by God’s design since 2000 to individuals, couples, at retreats, seminars, church classes, and to mission groups. In 2005 they joined Arctic Barnabas Ministries in Kenai, Alaska to strengthen and encourage bush missionaries and pastors’ families. MarJean has published “Courage For Bush Ministry Women” for over ten years. She now continues to encourage others to remain true to the Lord with all their hearts (see Acts 11:23) through writing, poetry, and illustrations from Spokane, WA. She is a mother of three sons and a daughter and delights in her 17 grandchildren.